we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
