4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
