he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
