Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
40s are totally the cure
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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