I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
