i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
