You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
