I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
