You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
