We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
