I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
