Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
