i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
