My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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