Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
