Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
