I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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