Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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