If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
