Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
