...so i touched it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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