I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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