it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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