No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
