Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
