Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
