Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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