my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
