So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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