I think I died a long time ago.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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