Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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