i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
