Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
