I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
