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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
