theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
