Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
