you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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