Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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