she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
