Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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