Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
