the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
