The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Please don't give away my fajitas
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
