I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
