She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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