don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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