Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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