Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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