so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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