Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
