i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
